I just knew it was going to work this time but my heart failed me once again. Did my blood test yesterday and got a negative pregnancy result..it hurts even typing these words in. It hurt so bad I can’t even cry or scream or even feel..again I feel lost and childless..my husband hasn’t even spoken to me since the news..it’s just heartbreaking and most of all depressing..don’t know if I can’t stand another cycle let alone we are completely spent and used our last dime on this one..thanks guys for the support and warm kind words..until I can speak again..
So here I am..This is my 3rd IVF cycle and I’m already towards the end. I wanted to come on and apologize for my absence and just briefly fill you guys in. I am currently in my 2WW and its been dreadful. I will later fill you in on my antagonist cycle. But as of today I am 8dp5dt. PUPO. I test on Tuesday and it’s driving me insane.
– extreme headache
– dark brown spotting
-lower back pain.
Im hoping that these are all good signs seeing as through I POAS the last 3 days and they all came back negative. Cross your fingers for me please. Its been a long time coming for my husband and I. I hope everyone stays tuned and support my journey.
Beta was 4..ughhh..what did I do to deserve this. To top it off. I have a gruesome yeast infection. .FML.. My heart is broken
It’s crunch time and I’ve been a nervous wreck. It has officially hit me hard that this is it. Tomorrow will be all or nothing. My heart races every time I think about it. I’ve been playing with my emotions or maybe my body has been playing with my emotions. I took about 4 pregnancy tests all FRER. They were all negative except one which was very faint. I don’t know if my eyes were playing tricks on me but I went ahead and took another one about 10 hours later and another negative. My heart just drops and I slowly start to lose all hope. My husband continues to encourage me and think positive but it hard to go on with optimism when you see that cold hard negative in these tests. All I can do now is go to sleep and wait.
Lately my symptoms have been weird.
-little cramping once in a while
– yellowish / white discharge (tmi) which now includes burning and irritation ( I pray it’s not yeast or urine infection, those suck)
– annoyed and emotional
All I can do now is continue to pray and again know that everything happens for a reason good or bad, jeez I feel like I’m having dejavu all over again from my first cycle and just feeling hopeless. I wish my husband was around at these crucial moments when I just want to crawl in to a deep whole and ball up in a corner. Wish me luck people. . Btw 4 more days until deployment. .I’m so scared. I need to get my life in order. .
Soo, TGIF people… time is just going amazingly slow. I’m at work and I don’t have a mere responsibility and duty to accomplish…I just sit in my shop twiddling my fingers all day. Since my last IVF cycle, I relieved all of my responsibilities to my shipmate and therefore my helping hand is not needed.
Maybe I’m just going crazy and waiting for this gruesome 2ww to pass. It’s day 6 and my symptoms have lessened I think. I try to listen to my body every chance I get it. Small cramps here and there. My lower back is completely sore from those darn injections. Speaking of injections that has been an episode all on its own. Let me begin by saying that my husband is back down in Florida where he’s stationed so I no longer have him for assistance. I’m left with typically whoever is in arm’s length around 7pm every evening. Not only do these people hate needles and I barely know them and dont want in my business.
My ship is getting ready for a 9 month deployment so you can only imagine where everyones brain is last thing they want to do is stick me with a huge syringe on my back.. ugh!!!
Well let me not forget I have literally 7 days to figure out if I will be making deployment or not. My first beta is on Wednesday the 12th and my second beta is the Friday the 14th (Valentine’s Day), the ship leaves on Saturday the 15th. I have a short time allotted for either pregnancy news or saying farewell to my husband for a while. It’s such a stressful thought.
I’m choosing to take a home pregnancy test Sunday morning to see if I get a least one faint line of hope if not I still will have 3 more days to see if my blessing will happen. Pray for me♡
So we didn’t get a phone call this morning from the doc saying that it’s a 5 day transfer so today was the lucky day. We got there and waited patiently for our grading report.. As we waited I was gulping down gatorade and water. So the doc came in and she laid out the report:
Out of 1-5 grading scale
We have 7 embryos still working
1: grade 2
6: grade 3
So we chose to go with 2 embryos. One from the grade 2 and one from the best looking one from grade 3. We are pretty satisfied with our choose. Honestly I’m just glad it’s all over..The anxiety and the wonderment of how the meds are working my body and if my body is reacting accordingly. All I have left is my PIO injections and the vitamins. So in the meantime im just going to hang out a couple of days longer at my in laws until I have to be present at work…let’s pray I get some type of sign or symptom soon so I can the ball rolling.. I don’t mind being PUPO and just getting my mind off the craziness of this cycle…
Stephanie V ♡
Well its a picture of my husband and I taking our minds of things and dreaming of our love child.. We had a great dinner and a movie tonight. Hibachi is our favs..
I just wanted to to share the misery of my experiences day to day.. my breasts
are sore to the touch. The pains in my ovaries of the retrieval still resides. I am a lot slower than I used to be. From the last cycle plus this one I have put on some weight which is extremely uncomfortable for me. I wwar nothing but spandex and tights. This time around I chose to take the progesterone oil injections instead of the messy suppositories which I still dread..I tense up every time and my leg just gives out..it’s hilarious every time..my husband swears he my personal doctor now.. I’m just counting down the days where I can say all of this is worth it. Every pain, soreness, cramp, pill, injection, sting and tear will be worth it, I just pray. .that is all I can do..
Stephanie V ♡